Speed Dating: The best way to avoid 10 bad relationships in one night!
As promised, I attended my first speed dating event the other day. The way it all works is that everyone sits down at a table with a "date." Each person talks to their respective date for 3 minutes and then marks down a 'yes' or 'no' on a scorecard as to whether or not they would like to see that person again. If both people pick 'yes,' then the company provides contact information to both parties. The event was held in a bar and, while there were quite a few attractive women around the bar, none of them seemed to be signing in for the event. I knew at least a third of the guys there, including TheRoommate, so we, of course, lamented this fact every chance we got.
Before things got started, we grabbed a few drinks to help lubricate the situation; which is to say, I drank enough to make the night tolerable without lowering my sense of judgment too much such that I might actually end up checking "yes" to a date with Chewbacca's sister by accident.
As feared, when the event started there were not too many attractive girls in attendance; dare I say, none. Rather than write the evening off as a whole, I decided I might as well exploit it for its comedic value. As I snaked my way through the room one three-minute date at a time, I started contemplating the choice of venue for this event; I think most of the girls would have been much more at home at a Home Town Buffet.
Like I said, I did try to make the most of the situation; here are some of the gems I laid out that night: (RG = Random Girl; DF = Dating Fool)
RG: "Have you done this before?"
DF: "No, it's my first time. My parole officer thought it would be a good idea."
RG: "What do you do?"
DF: "I run an internet site."
RG: "Really? What is it?"
DF: "It's a site featuring overweight, transsexual, midget porn. It's a niche market, really. So, what do you do?"
RG: {Blank look of fear}
RG: "What do you do?"
DF: "I work over at [local bowling alley]. I deodorize the shoes when people return them. I'm trying to work my way up to pinsetter though; it's just a dream right now."
RG: "Oh my god! That's great! I'm going there for my birthday; I'll totally look for you!"
DF: {Blank look of fear}
It was also interesting to note the way age played a role in the way that various women approached the situation. The age range for the event was something like, 24-32. I knew immediately when I sat down with the older women because their questions were along the lines of, "do you smoke," "do you drink," "how's your health insurance?" Ok, I never got that one, but I think if it had been 8 minute dating, we would have gotten around to it. Their questions were definitely geared more towards a serious relationship than dating.
By the end of the night, I marked up my scorecard and put a couple of yeses next to the least offensive specimens. TheRoommate and I hung around the bar for a bit afterwards. We were having a beer when a group of four girls (including the two I'd marked down on my scorecard) came over and asked if we wanted to join them. Speeddater1 was friendly and I though she might be interested in me. Speeddater2 (the more attractive of the two), on the other hand, seemed to take a real liking to TheRoommate. I wasn't too interested in any of them at that point, but I figured I would do my best to wingman TheRoommate as best I could in hopes of helping him hook up with Speeddater2.
The rest of the night went well and by the end I thought TheRoommate had a very legitimate chance with Speeddater2. I've since encouraged him to pursue her and I believe they are going out some time next week. As for me, since I had so few matches, the company offered for me to come to the next event free of charge. Hopefully, it will be better attended next time.
The On-Line Bar Scene
I've been out on a couple of
Friendster dates in the past week or two. In both cases, the girl contacted me first and then I wrote back, initiating a string of "conversations" and eventually suggested that we meet up for drinks. The first girl was about 2 years younger than I am, moved out here recently from the east coast and worked just up the street from me. I met her at a local bar, a couple miles from work.
I was standing outside the restaurant when she walked up. Immediately I noticed that she was tall; really tall. For those that may or may not remember, the last Friendster chick also happened to tower over me. Is everyone on Friendster a WNBA candidate? Anyway, as she was walking up, she made this cute little waving gesture that totally caught my eye and made me smile. Somehow, that one simple move exhibited enough of her personality to knock her up a point. We sat down at a table in the back of the bar and ordered up a round of drinks. The conversation flowed like as freely as the beer and we seemed to get along really well together. We kept talking and talking until I finally glanced down at my watch and realized that three hours had passed. I hadn't planned on staying nearly that long, and I took it as a good sign that the time had passed that easily. I told her I had to get going, but suggested that we meet up again in the near future. She enthusiastically agreed and we parted ways. We've been in touch since and are supposed to meet up again next week.
The second girl was about 4 years younger than I am, a grad student at the local university and an east coast transplant as well. In my email conversations with her, she came across as a lot more eager (read: desperate) than the first girl. I met up with her at the same bar after work, but with much lower expectations. When I got there, she was already standing outside waiting. The first thing I noticed was that she wasn't six feet tall; she did, however, have a body that was pleasing on the eyes and an ok face.
We sat down, got a couple drinks and proceeded to plod along through the typical first date interview. Unlike the last girl, the minutes seemed to drag on and by the time 45 of them had passed, I knew I needed to get out of there. I told her I was supposed to meet up with some friends for dinner, thanked her for meeting me and got the heck out of there. I can't say what it was, exactly, that turned me off to her. I guess I wasn't really attracted to her and the conversation didn't seem to make up for that (it felt way too forced).
I've got a few more girls that I've been "conversing" with, so I'll probably have some more Friendster stories in the near future. In the meantime, however, I will be attending my first speed dating event. My experience and details will follow.
A Noble Wingman
As I mentioned in the last story, TheVisitor decided to extend his visit an extra night because of the success we'd encountered the night before. Normally, I would never go out on a Sunday night, but figuring that there were so many spring breakers in town, we reasoned that there should still be a lot of people out wanting to party. Fortunately, we were correct in our assumptions.
Originally, we'd planned on returning to the bar that we'd been at the night before; however, when we walked by, there was a total of about 8 people sitting at the bar. Instead, we walked a couple of blocks away and found another place that already had a pretty good sized crowd inside. Once in the bar, we managed to secure a table that faced the entrance. As we downed the first few rounds, I couldn't help but notice the very unbalanced, and yet, favorable ratio of people entering. Soon after making this observation, a group of 4 girls caught my eye as they came through the door. It was obvious that this wasn't their first stop of the night as they more or less danced their way up to the bar. I caught the eyes of one of the more attractive girls and gave her a knowing look. She smiled back and rerouted her entourage towards our table. As they approached, she addressed me directly, "are you having a good time?"
"We certainly are, but obviously not as good a time as you guys are having," I quipped back. TheVisitor took over at that point, invited the girls to join us and started rounding up chairs for them to sit in. We made everyone's acquaintance (SpringBreakChick, SBC-Sis, MsCuervo and TheGrenade) and started in on another round of drinks. It was pretty obvious that the girl who I had first interacted with (SpringBreakChick) was pretty interested in me, so I spent the majority of the night concentrating on her.
At some point, I left the table to go to the bathroom; as I made my way back to the table, I couldn't help but notice one of the girls flying past me on her way to the bathroom, her face projecting a look of terror. When I finally reached the table, I noticed five empty shot glasses and four concerned faces. It turns out that TheVisitor had ordered up a round of tequila (Petron Silver) shots for the table in my absence. The girl that had passed me on her way to the bathroom told him that she was allergic to tequila and didn't want to take a shot of it. In order to get her to drink it anyway, her friends and TheVisitor told MsCuervo that it was just a shot of vodka. Evidently her body confirmed that it was, in fact, tequila and hence her sprint to the bathroom. Now, I don't claim to be an expert when it comes to liquor, but if you were someone who was truly allergic to a particular alcohol, don't you think it would be in your best interest to do some sort of investigative analysis on the beverage in question? Maybe smell it before throwing it down your throat, perhaps?
While I continued to work on SpringBreakChick, TheGrenade and TheVisitor seemed to be getting along handedly. TheGrenade earned her nickname not because she was unattractive or fat, but simply because TheVisitor had been successful the night before, wasn't really interested in pursuing anything and was only entertaining this girl so that I might have a chance with SpringBreakChick. She was, however, mildly sick, which made TheVisitor's efforts all that more valiant.
MsCuervo did finally return to the table about 30 minutes later. She then proceeded to curse at TheVisitor for a good five minutes before announcing that she was too sick to stick around and was going to go back to the room to sleep. Through all of this, SBC-Sis, feeling that good ol' fifth wheel tension, would leave the four of us, saunter around the bar and flirt with any one that would give her the time of day (which, due to her hotness and boisterous attitude, was just about everyone) and then return empty handed. I guess that game got old, because soon after, she decided to head back to their hotel room as well. With the two major sources of tension out of the way, things with the two remaining girls moved along much smoother. By the time last call rolled around, everyone had become quite friendly with one another.
We left the bar and walked the few blocks back to their hotel room. When we reached the base of the stairs, I guess TheVisitor decided he was done for the night because he started thanking them for a fun night and saying his goodbye's. SpringBreakChick looked at the two of with a funny expression on her face and then said, "uh, wouldn't you guys like to come up for a bit?"
Before TheVisitor could derail us any further, I stepped in, told them that we'd love to hang out for a bit and started up the stairs to their room. When we got inside, MsCuervo was curled up in a ball on the couch watching TV. At the sight of TheVisitor, she gathered herself up, gave him one final, nasty look and headed into the bedroom. The place they were staying in was actually pretty nice. It was a small suite, with a little kitchen area, a living room, a single bedroom and a bathroom. The four of us paired off again and sat down on opposing ends of the couch and pretended to watch TV. Within minutes, both TheVisitor and I are making out with our respective "dates."
Although the situation was a tad odd, things were still going well. Then, with no sort of advance notice, TheVisitor and TheGrenade abruptly stood up and started saying goodnight to each other. Suddenly, TheGrenade is heading for the bedroom and TheVisitor is heading for the door. I'm still trying to process this series of events when TheVisitor tells me that he's heading back to my place and to call him when I need a ride. Fortunately, SpringBreakChick seems ok with this turn of events and I decide to stay; had I known how the rest of the night was to transpire, I definitely would have left with him.
As soon as he's out the door, we get back to fooling around. About two minutes later, it suddenly occurs to me that I still have the keys to my place in my pocket. I announce this to SpringBreakChick, tell her I'll be right back and head out the door to try to chase down TheVisitor. I catch up with him a couple blocks later and give him my keys. We part ways and I head back up to the hotel room.
When I returned, the lights had been turned off, the sofa bed pulled out and SpringBreakChick was lying under the covers. I slid into bed with her and quickly noted that she was still fully clothed (which, for the sake of clarity, meant that she had on her pants, socks, bra, shirt and a sweater on top of that. I didn't think too much of it at the time, figuring that it would all be on the floor soon enough.
We picked up where we left off, but now we were alone. Before long, my hands were roaming around under her shirt and she was doing the same to me. I undid the clasp on her bra and then pulled away, allowing her the opportunity to remove her shirt(s). For some reason, she failed to take advantage of said opportunity and even when I removed my shirt, she didn't seem to catch on. Figuring that perhaps she just wanted to take it slow, I continued to take part in the so-called "light petting." No matter what I tried, she refused to take off her sweater and shirt. She even went so far as to remove her bra (using that hocus pocus move that all women know whereby they slip the bra out their shirtsleeve) and kept the shirt/sweater on. I know when I've been beat, and I'm not one to force myself upon a woman, so I let it go shortly thereafter and decided that we might as well get some sleep.
I'd been out for a good hour or so when my subconscious suddenly stepped in and snapped me awake. It suddenly occurred to me that at 7:00 the following morning (or, by that point, the same morning) the streets in my complex were going to be paved and any cars still in the complex were going to be towed. Being that TheVisitor drove the night before, my car was still parked in the complex. This left me less than four hours to figure out how to move my car. Weighing out my options, I decided that my best bet would be to call TheVisitor and have him move my car for me. I slipped out of bed and went outside to give him a call. I wasn't able to reach him, so I left a message detailing my dilemma. I tried to go back to sleep, but visions of dealing with a $250 towing bill and getting my car out of impound kept me from getting any decent rest.
At about six o'clock the next morning, someone in the bedroom (the other three girls were still in there) started to have a coughing fit that seemed to come and go for fifteen minutes or so. Eventually, the door to the bedroom opened and SBC-Sis came out. She walked over to the sofa bed where her sister and I were sleeping, and proceeded to address me. "Dating Fool, I hate to do this, but I think you need to leave. MsCuervo can't get any sleep in there and she'd like to sleep out here."
With that, I was literally cast out the door and found myself on the street, puzzled, yet strangely relieved, and squinting as the morning sun came up. I started walking back to the main street and called up TheVisitor to see if he would make good on his offer to pick me up. I got him this time and he, albeit not too pleased, left my place to come retrieve me. When he finally showed up, I asked if he wanted to get some breakfast, my treat.
"Fuck that, man; I just wanna get some sleep."
