The Vegas Adventure; or, more proof that I don't understand what the hell women are thinking
Is it possible to have a bad time in Las Vegas? If you think so, may we never go there together. This trip was definitely one of my better trips to Sin City. There wasn't anything in particular that really made the trip stand out, rather, everything just went extremely smoothly, there was no major drama and I didn't lose my ass at the tables. As far as the ladies were concerned, I got cock-blocked by a lost purse and, on another occasion, tried to defy one of the number one rules of picking up women.
I was in town from Thursday through Sunday with one of my good friends, DoubleDown, for a meeting. We arrived in the afternoon on Thursday, but opted to hang around the casinos and gamble instead of hitting the town, saving that option for the next two nights.
DoubleDown has a girlfriend, but he's all too happy to play the role of wingman and he does so quite well. He and I look very similar, so much so that every time we'd sit down at a blackjack table, the dealer would ask if we were brothers; we even got twins a few times. Thinking we'd make the night a little more interesting, we decided to capitalize on this and came up with a very elaborate story. When we would meet girls, we would tell them that we were twins, born exactly one month and 2 days apart. DoubleDown was born first, normally, and I followed much later, but was born caesarian. We even went so far as to claim that we almost made it into the Guinness book of World Records for our unique birth, but the record for time between births for twins was one month and nine days. Girls ate it up. They never questioned the validity of our story and often probed us for more information. By the end of the weekend, we had our act so honed I think we even started to believe it.
Friday night, DoubleDown and I had a nice dinner and then headed over to Light to hang out for the rest of the night. We were already pretty drunk by the time we got in the place, but we went ahead and powered through a couple more rounds, just to be sure. The scene was good, and we talked/danced with a couple groups of girls. After a while, we both needed a rest, so we headed over to a lounge area. There were couches littering the room, and sitting on one of them was an attractive pair of girls; a blond and a brunette. We made our way over to them, asked if we could sit with them and were enthusiastically invited to join them. I started off sitting next to the brunette and DoubleDown, the blond. We, of course, launched right into our twins story and they loved every minute of it. We found out they were from Canada and were in town for the weekend, as well. It was obvious that they were pretty into us; being quite flirty, touchy-feely, etc. At one point, it came out that both girls had boyfriends back home. However, the blond seemed quite adamant about living out the, "what happens in Vegas, stays in Vegas" motto and proceeded to try to convince the brunette to do the same; all of this going on with the two of us sitting right next to them, mind you.
A short while later, the brunette rose to go to the bathroom; I immediately offered to accompany her, as it provided the perfect opportunity to get her alone and kind of feel her out. I also wanted to give DoubleDown the chance to do the same with the blond. In the few minutes that I got to talk to her, I could tell that the brunette was definitely interested in pursuing something, but still had some reservations.
We returned to the couches and sat down. Right after doing so, DoubleDown suggested that perhaps we should switch places with each other. I assumed that he had learned something while I was gone, as this would also mean that we would switch girls, so I followed his lead. Only a minute or two had passed when the brunette suddenly realized that she had lost her purse. DoubleDown, taking one for the team, immediately jumped into action and offered to help the brunette go look for her purse. Left alone with the blond, I too jumped to action. The first thing she said to me was, "if anything happens, [the brunette] can't see us."
I assured her I would have no problem with that. We started kissing for a bit and then stopped to make sure the other two weren't around. She then told me to hold on for a second because she had to pick something up off an adjacent couch. She then stood up, and bent over in front of me, her miniskirt hiking up and exposing her breathtaking ass, adorned by a nice, lacy, pink G-string. She turned back to me, gave me a wink and said, "Did you see anything you liked?"
Letting actions speak louder than words, I grabbed her and we both allowed ourselves to get caught up in the passion of the moment. Coming up for air minutes later, we both became conscious of our surroundings again and separated for fear of getting caught. Our timing couldn't have been better, as DoubleDown and the brunette came around the corner just as the blond returned to her place on the couch.
Of course, they had no luck finding the purse and the brunette was now extremely distraught. I gave DoubleDown a signal that things were going really well. Playing the role of wingman perfectly, he took the brunette away again to keep looking for the purse. The blond and I retreated to a dark corner of the club and were all over each other in a matter of seconds. I had my hands up her skirt and hers were down my pants and it goes without saying that we were both having a great time.
"I want you so bad, right now," she growled in my ear.
I was just about to answer, when, for some reason, I happened to glance up and see DoubleDown and the brunette heading back toward the couches. Knowing that they would come looking for us shortly, I suggested that we head back to join them. When we got there, we found out that they had found the purse, but all of the money had been removed. The brunette was quite upset and wanted to go home. It was pretty late and we had a meeting fairly early the next morning, so DoubleDown and I decided to walk the girls out and call it a night. Before we parted ways, the blond apologized for the way the night had turned out and then told me what hotel and room she was staying in and asked that I get in touch with her to hang out the following night.
Saturday night, we met up with a few other guys from the meeting, including one that happened to live in Vegas. We met up at a restaurant that TheLocal happened to work at and got totally hooked up with drinks. By the time we left, we were all feeling very good. Since it was nearby and TheLocal thought he could get us all in for free, we decided to go back to Light. Sure enough, we walked straight to the front of the line, TheLocal worked his magic, and we were inside without a second thought.
The club took a little longer to pick up that night, but by 1:00AM the place was jumping. DoubleDown and I were walking along a pathway headed to the bar when we passed a bachelorette party. I pointed out the group and casually mentioned the cardinal rule that it's a bad idea to try to pick up any girl involved in a bachelorette party. We made it to the bar and were walking back when we passed by the group again. Without warning, one of the girls ran over to me, grabbed me and pulled me back to the group. "I want you to take a picture with the bride!" she commanded.
The girl who grabbed me was quite fetching and was wearing this very hot corset-type top; I was attracted to her immediately. I couldn't help but feel I was being hypocritical considering the advice I had just bestowed upon DoubleDown.
It's only a picture, I told myself,
when we're done, I'll bid them a good night and walk away. I lined up with the bride for my photo-op and took a few pictures with the group. Once we'd finished with the pictures, I quickly ignored my own advice, sat down and began talking to the girl in the corset. I learned that she and her friends were in town from the east coast. We continued to talk for another 10 minutes or so, while DoubleDown kept the rest of the party entertained. The reality of the situation set in and, not wanting to waste DoubleDown's time and efforts, I stood up and told the girls that it was nice meeting them but we had to meet up with our other friends. RedCorset looked disappointed that we were leaving, so I told her to look for me later.
DoubleDown and I cruised the scene for a while, got another round of drinks and went back to hang out with the other guys for a bit. In talking to them, I found out that one of them was on the dance floor, freaking some girl, when she whispered in his ear, "If you want to have a good time all night long, it'll be $500." Pissed, he told her that she was on her own and walked away.
DoubleDown and I split off again and were heading towards the dance floor when RedCorset and I made eye contact. She seductively motioned me over to her side at the bar and I happily obliged. She and her friends were doing a shot, so they ordered up another two for DoubleDown and me. We all toasted the bride and threw them back. As soon as the empty glasses touched down on the bar, we were all on our way to the dance floor. RedCorset and I danced together for a while and things got pretty heated.
"I really want to kiss you right now, but I can't," she informed me.
"And, why's that?" I asked, the alarms starting to go off in my head.
"Well, you see, I have a boyfriend of five years…Oh, the hell with it. I'm going to go to the bathroom, follow me a couple minutes later; my friends can't see us hook up."
Remind me never to try to find someone to date in Vegas and for that matter, may anyone I'm dating never go to Vegas without me. I dutifully followed her instructions and met her near the bathrooms. I found myself reliving the previous night, same club, same passion, different girl.
"Oh my god, I'm so wet right now," she whispered in my ear; her warm breath making the hairs on the back of my neck stand on end.
I pulled her close and kissed her, letting her know I fully agreed with her sentiments. We continued to make out, and I was certainly enjoying myself, but in the back of my head I knew that the circumstances wouldn't allow this to continue outside the club. As such, I found it hard to lose myself in the moment like I had the night before. Eventually, time caught up to us and we had to head back to the group.
"I think you are so awesome! I have to email you!" and with that, she pulled me over to the bar so we could exchange email addresses. Great, just what I need, a pen pal! With the information exchange out of the way, I guess she felt it was time to elevate things to the next level.
"Do you have the means to fly across the country and visit people?" she asked.
"Yes, I think I could afford to do so."
"Great, because I'm going to be working in Maryland all summer and I really want you to come out and visit me. I really want to introduce you to my boyfriend and then we can all hang out."
What the hell is wrong with you?! Yeah, that sounds like a wonderful idea; why don't I fly across the country so that I can come hang out with you and your boyfriend of five years. It will be nice; we can all go out and get a coke. Can't wait! "Sure, that sounds nice. Well, why don't you email me and we'll see where it goes. Uh, I think my brother is ready to get going. It was nice meeting you, say good-bye to [the bride] for me!" And, with that, I got the hell out of there.
After that episode, I knew my luck wasn't going to help me with the ladies, so DoubleDown and I went back to our casino and hit the tables for the rest of the night.
Jeez, what does it take to meet a sane woman these days?
Can't leave well enough alone
I was loading up my suitcase into my car, getting ready to head off to the airport, when I happened to glance up and see a yellow post-it note stuck to the windshield. I pulled it off and had a read:
Hey Neighbour! Haven't seen you since the party ~ at a certain point we should talk so I can do some damage control for the other night!
First off, I should mention that, no, TheNeighbor is not British; again, she just tries too hard. Secondly, what could she possibly say that would change my mind about the other night? Not wanting to start my trip to Las Vegas with a bout of drama, I looked around to make sure she wasn't watching me, threw my luggage and the note in the car and got the heck out of dodge.
Monday night, I happened to return home at the same time TheNeighbor was leaving for a study group. She, of course, stopped me and confronted me about the party. She tried telling me that I had tried to take advantage of her; I told her that I was just following her directions. We continued to talk for a while about other mindless topics, yet somehow she kept steering the conversation back to the party. She was visibly uncomfortable about my opinion of her based on her previous actions. I repeated assured her that it was water under the bridge and that I had moved on. She then vowed to never drink around me again. I told her this was probably the best thing she could do.
The next morning, I received an email from her:
So I have a question that I forgot to ask last night. Was our being neighbourly last week something that is nonrepeatable? Just wondering what it would be like sober.
I haven't responded yet, mainly because I don't know how to nicely say, "You're crazy in the head if you honestly believe that there is a glimmer of hope that we will hook up again. Not to mention that you're truly insane if you think it would happen without copious amounts of alcohol."
